Hypocrisy and harm: the dark binary of the “non-binary” identity

Once again, we have arrived at “International Non-Binary People’s Day & Awareness Week”…another in a series of days and weeks assigned to the calendar to mark yet another recession in both women’s and worldly progress by the modern compulsion to celebrate and prioritize personal preferences over objective reality.

As a loud and proud feminist, and not the fake pandering kind, I am well aware of the fact that the female sex is subjugated across the world and through time, and that our movement is not some undefinable charade dressed up in glitter and marketable slogans to seek nebulous equality, but real, definable action which seeks to liberate women from such discrimination and oppression based on our sex.

I am also frustratingly aware of the attempts gaining traction over the years to subvert these efforts through a shiny new “feminism,” promoting counterproductive to blatantly destructive ideas and actions for women, always sold under the guise of “empowerment.” These include glamorizing prostitution over finding exit routes for those trapped in the industry, normalizing porn as non-harming, and pushing detrimental beauty standards with damaging practices to uphold them.

In a new age of these unstomachable realities combined with age old ones, it is literally no wonder that many would jump at the newest outlet of escape being offered: gender identity ideology, the opportunity to shed restrictive realities for more comfortable labels to recreate oneself in a suffocating society. For women especially, the faux freedom and genuine relief of the “non-binary” identity is often too enticing to pass up.

So what exactly is this identity today, and how is it actually defined?

The term “non-binary” will get you as many different definitions as there are different followers. It is virtually impossible to lock down a true definition, which makes sense given that it is typically impossible to define something which does not truly exist. The closest attempts to coherence will resemble androgyny or gender neutrality.

But the undeniable reality…is that there is no reality to it. In its best case scenario, “non-binary” is a synonym for personality…or perhaps, more accurately, a lackluster substitution for none.

The criteria is purposely kept as vague and “inclusive” as possible to both attract the most participation and avoid measurable qualifications. Both appearance and behavioral characteristics can be quite literally anything. Pronouns are free to be chosen and changed at whim, bringing even more meaninglessness to this aspect.

So, let’s test this out.

I have long hair and live in breezy dresses as long as the weather will allow. However, I don’t shave or have long, manicured nails. I don’t wear polish ever, and cosmetics hardly ever. I’m a huge fan of contact sports and cringe at romantic comedies. I have never had any desire to watch The Notebook, and my favorite franchise is John Wick. I’m nearly incapable of asking for directions or talking about feelings, and I have zero maternal drive.

In reality, all of these facts and traits simply make me a woman with a certain personality. But playing by others’ ideological rules and shallow standards, it would easily classify me as “non-binary” instead. Worse, however, is that none of the above truly matters, as all one has to do is identify as such, and, poof, one now is. If I qualify but don’t “identify,” this can be explained away by the idea that I simply lack the internal feeling. And if we’re ready to play by those rules, then this exposes two truths.

The first is that the only criteria required is the ironically common desire to be more individualistic, fill a void in life, or perhaps even escape reality. The second is that proponents of such nebulous ideology are also proponents of basing objective laws and reality on subjective thoughts and feelings inside of anyone’s head… no actual standards or congruency necessary, let alone science, of course.

Here’s where we run into an issue.

All ideologies and belief systems are subject to logical lines of rational and reasonable questioning if they wish to influence or remain relevant within society. If any cannot hold up to such questions, or purposely shy away in the face of them, that reveals their core truth of lacking any substantive core.

It’s impossible to miss the hypocrisy of distracting from addressing legitimate questions with other thought-terminating questions meant to deflect and transfer blame. We’ve all heard (or perhaps have even spoken) the most common attempts of “why can’t you just let people be?” Or, my timeless favorite, “how does this even affect you?”

As with most extreme ideologies that break from reality, whether from the radical left or the radical right, they demand utter compliance from others. It is hardly about personal choice and more about making sure others comply. This demand and punishment for not ensures a cover for the insidious nature of its true agenda…one which can only be palatable to the public through deceit and fear of retribution.

Ironically, there is no better way to address the bad-faith “how does this affect you” attempt than by honestly describing the true meaning of “non-binary.”

Its best-case scenario of futile, immature narcissism has already been mentioned, but in its darker worst-case scenario counterpart, it is a desperate attempt to escape from the undesirable realities and harmful treatment of being female in today’s society…an attempt to be viewed as human. It is the latest iteration of the age-old “not like other girls” mentality, repackaged into the idea that one is above her fellow degraded women because she refuses to be one herself. Further, it is the personal attempt to jump ship from the collective, leaving behind fellow females to deal with an immutable reality instead of offering another hand to help lift us all out.

Intangibly, the promotion of this identity, and gender as an entire concept, is ultimately the belittling and reduction of women to a regressive set of feelings and limiting stereotypes, ironically enforced by a traditional and outdated male opinion. As a result, women are taught to disconnect from our omnipresent and essential bodies, lower our boundaries, and prioritize men’s standards over personal confidence. The inevitable harms of this mindset affect both women themselves as well as reinforce how we are viewed by men.

Tangibly, there are further disastrous effects for both the individual woman and collective sex.

This soft-core identity is too often a gateway drug to harder gender ideology. When women experience the rush of supposedly escaping chains of sexism, as well as possibly the first sense of personal control in life, many continue to desire and chase after more. If it felt good to leave behind that pathetic “she,” why wouldn’t it feel even better to move to “he”? If ditching social expectations of women was a relief, wouldn’t it be even more freeing to erase the physical realities as well? Unfortunately, since deep down it is understood that “non-binary” is a surface identity, irreversible medication and surgery are sought as more concrete solutions for such a void, choosing injection and scalpel over addressing the real roots of the problem.

Such muddying of the reality of women and promotion of subjective identity over objective sex absolutely affects single-sex opportunities and spaces as well. Because most who identify as “non-binary” are female, this internal identity tends to get externally grouped with women when it comes to spaces and events. However, this false widening of reality also genuinely widens qualification by opening up participation to any man who would like to identify as such in order to join. So in its natural endgame of ideological “inclusion,” it effectively excludes and eliminates the female category for which women have fought so hard and sacrificed so much.

Speaking of those who have fought and sacrificed: if the degradation of internal self and external opportunity wasn’t enough, there is also no greater evidence of this movement’s anti-women foundation than the mistreatment that women receive when they dare to ever raise questions or outright speak against it, from social and career cancellations to threats and acts of violence. Note that the majority of such threats are sexually based and overwhelmingly from men, as it historically goes when women pose a threat to dislodging the societal hierarchy of gender upheld for male benefit.

This then brings up the necessary question: what of the women who aren’t in a place or position to speak out?

It is no coincidence that you will only find this ideology in Western countries or affluent, Westernized areas in others. But this has nothing to do with the idea of it being a modern or progressive achievement aside from the reality that modernity tends to capitalize on and restructure traditional oppression. The reality is because this is the epitome of a luxury belief, afforded only to those devoid of the realest and harshest sex-based oppression.

Such ideology is an absolute slap in the face to women in countries across the world who cannot escape their hellish female reality by simply identifying out of it. Those still defending the superiority of bourgeois identity over biological reality must be willing to tell Afghan women hidden under Taliban rule, Iranian women suffering under the IRGC, African girls forced to undergo female genital mutilation, and all females subjected to the hideous practices of child brides and trafficking…that being female, and therefore their female persecution, is simply a choice.

But to bring it closer for those whose empathy and solidarity dwindles once crossing an ocean is involved: these abortion restrictions that American women are hyper focused on…can you identify out of those possible effects? What about issues of wage gap and sexual harassment, or life-altering possibilities of rape or pregnancy complications…can you identify out of those truths?

Unfortunately, one can never identify out of reality…only one’s acceptance of it. And that universal truth is what demonstrates all of this ideology’s selfish and damaging hypocrisy: when you abandon the term woman for yourself, you are abandoning all women.

Attempting to set oneself free from the chains of outdated gender through a sparkling identity over dark realities only shackles oneself further. But even worse, because their very identity’s existence depends upon an opposition viewed as conformists, the synthetic quest keeps such shackles fully intact for others. The endeavor to negate and separate from a despised binary only negates any effort to fix it, and only separates oneself from the ones who share your same discriminated traits…and, ironically enough, simply creates other binaries.

Aside from the now humorous binary of those who are “non-binary” and those who aren’t, it creates a far more insidious binary of those who allegedly “reject” stereotypes and those who allegedly want them…in other words, those who supposedly reject their female discrimination and those who willingly choose it. Such a self-serving mission succeeds in dividing women, erasing female solidarity, and nothing more than placing a superficial yellow and purple Band-Aid on a timeless cancer…in the end, these lost women, with their misplaced focus on a binary of sex, are in fact upholding the actual hierarchy of gender from which they wanted to escape in the first place.

In the quest for self-truth, “non-binary” is not an acknowledgment of oneself…it is the denial and rejection of it. In the quest for societal advancement, “non-binary” is not a perseverance of progress…it is an absolution of efforts to achieve it. And in the eternal quest to be individualized, “non-binary” ends up stripping any individuality. Because when it comes down to it, “non-binary” is not an individual label…it is a collective adherence to misogyny.

In the search for recognized humanity, one will never escape the regressive stereotyping by hiding behind creations that reinforce it. Only when one can define herself accurately can she ever be able to advocate for herself effectively.

In the end, pushing back against gender is the most anti-stereotype behavior women can have. So change society, not yourself, and not reality. We are all worth more and deserve so much more than that which attempts to redefine and flatten us all into a one-dimensional caricature. It’s time to stop hiding behind what you identify as and start fighting for who you truly are.